kristen999 (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
kristen999) wrote2005-07-19 03:50 pm
kristen999) wrote2005-07-19 03:50 pm
"Reclaiming Life" Part 8
Title: Reclaiming Life
Authors: Kristen999 and Shacky20
Category: Drama/Angst
Spoilers: Grave Danger
Disclaimer: All rights belong to CBS and all their fine writers. Please don't sue. This is just for fun.
Summary: The Team try to help Nick recover after his abduction and move on. Little does anyone know the true ramifications of this traumatic experience has had on everyone. Goes from the events in the episode to the days and weeks afterwards. This is a Nick-Greg-Warrick Friendship. There is drama, angst and even humor.
Eariler chapters can be found here:
http://www.fanfiction.net/secure/live_preview.php?storyid=2470159&chapter=1
Chapter 8 By Shacky
****************
Chapter 8 by Shacky
******************
Nick had never been so happy to see the lab.
After two months and three days sitting at home, he couldn't wait for his first night of work. He never liked the swing shift. He'd worked nights for almost seven years, he liked it. It felt as if he really was returning to his old job by coming back to graveyard. There was a bounce in his step that hadn't been there since last November when Ecklie broke them up.
He walked through the doors back as Stokes, CSI Level 3. Capable, confidant, and most importantly, cleared for duty.
Sure he fudged a little on a couple of his "tests" but that was between him and his closet. He wasn't going to share that information with anyone. He just wanted back into the real world so badly, get back to his "before" life as he had termed it. Before that dreaded night. Nick didn't like to use the word kidnapping because that made him feel more like a victim, and he was tired of being a victim.
Nick had a grin on his face as he walked up the steps towards the Lab. He walked down the halls and saw faces he didn't remember seeing before his "leave," but they seemed to know him. It seemed like everywhere he looked someone stole a glance at him. He even caught two women pointing his direction as he walked by. He gave them a quick nod and fake grin, and started walking faster toward Grissom and Catherine's offices. That is where he was first to report. Both Greg and Warrick had warned him about this, he was the talk of the Lab still, their own local celebrity. Great, just want he didn't want.
The unfamiliar eyes were making him nervous, Nick felt his heart start beating fast at the unexpected scrutiny from the one place that felt more like home than his own house did most of the time. He needed to find his team. They would all be here and they were a unit again. That thought put a smile back on his face as he walked into Grissom's office.
Both Grissom and Catherine were there waiting for him. Grissom held out his hand, which Nick took in a firm handshake. "Can't tell you how good it is to have you back on nights, Nicky. We've all certainly missed having you around." Grissom couldn't hide the grin that broke out on his face at having his whole team back together for the first time in months.
"You don't know how good it is to be back, Gris. I don't think I've ever been so happy to see this place." Now that Nick was in familiar surroundings and people, he was beaming.
"Glad to have you back at work Nicky, it hasn't been the same these past couple of months." Catherine said as she gave him a quick hug. "You are looking well and rested."
Which was true, he had finally healed from the bites that marred and burned his flesh for weeks. All the wounds were on the inside now, and no one was going to know they were there unless he wanted them to know.
"Well, you get two months paid leave and you'll find there isn't much to do but rest most of the time."
"Then down to business. We do have a little of that to take care of." Grissom stated matter of factly. "We need to go over the conditions of your return back to work."
"Yes, Sir, I know." Nick had been told the regulations before, but he knew they had to go over them verbally before start of shift.
"Okay, for starters Nicky," Catherine started "Absolutely no overtime for first week, eight hour shifts only."
Nick shifted his eyes at her. "No back talk Nick, this is how it has to be." Catherine instructed.
"I know, I'm just ready to get back. All right, what else?" Nick said, clapping his hands and rubbing them together.
"First week as you know you will be staying in the Lab, doing only lab work. After the first week, the three of us will meet again and talk about you getting back into the field." Grissom could see Nick's jaw tighten, but cut him off before he could start in. "I know you're not happy about that, but it has to be this way. We see no reason you cannot go back out into the field after your first week."
"You mean unless I freak out on everyone and start screaming or something." Nick couldn't help but feel a little bitter about that, and he couldn't keep it out of his voice. He was never good at hiding his emotions.
"No, that isn't what it means, Nick." Catherine interjected. "This is just protocol and you know it. I know you're eager to get back to your job, we all want you back, but we just don't want to push too hard all at once. " She tried to explain as calmly and by the book as possible.
"I know Cath, I'm sorry. Didn't mean to snap at you." He hadn't been relegated to lab duty since he didn't pass his weapon's proficiency test last fall, and that was only for one case.
She understood, but they had to do this right, both supervisors wanted to make sure their Nick was really okay for themselves if they were truly honest. The therapist's recommendations just gave them an easy out.
"And then you will also need to see your therapist at least once a week during the first month and she will keep us updated on your progress. If she sees no complications or setbacks with your return to work and the field, then after the appropriate time, you will be able to return to a schedule with the rest of the team. But only at her approval, Nick. Is that understood?" Catherine tried to keep it cool as possible.
Nick didn't speak but nodded his head because he had been informed that his bosses would be kept informed of his progress so they could up his workload, which is exactly what he wanted.
"Just sign this so it proves we had this talk and get down to the break room. Greg's making some fresh coffee just for you, he's glad your back on night's I think." Gil instructed.
Nick reached for his pen and scribbled his name across the line confirming they had the discussion of the "Resuming of Duties of CSI Level Three Nicholas Stokes". He looked at the top again, and grinned, he was back, and handed the copy back to Grissom.
"Go get your coffee Nick. There's no hurry getting to the Lab, nothing will be in yet for a while. We haven't had assignments handed out yet."
"Thanks guys," Nick said, as he stood up and started towards the door. "Thanks for everything. I wouldn't be back here it wasn't for you two, and I know thank you isn't enough." Nick was not going to emotional on his first night back.
"Nick, it was a team effort, and you are one of us. It wasn't the same here without you, and now that we are all back, we all couldn't be happier to have you back safe and healthy. Just take care of yourself and let us worry about the rest. Now go get your coffee." Catherine explained in a soft tone.
"Yes, Sir. Ma'am." With that, he walked out his superior's door and towards the break room. He could already smell the coffee down the hallway.
He poked his head in kind of quietly just watching Greg stand there, bouncing his head to some music that was only playing in his head as he retrieved two cups for coffee. Nick knew one of those was meant for him and couldn't help but smile.
"Is that the famous Sanders' coffee I smell or are my senses deceiving me?" He joked, as Greg whipped his head around, his face breaking out in a grin from ear to ear.
"Nothing but the best for you, dude." He said as he walked over to give Nick a quick guy hug, and the obligatory pat on the back. "Damn it's good to see you back here. God it's been so boring and quiet, and it's great to have you back on nights. All of this estrogen was starting to wear on me."
They grabbed their coffees and sat on the couch in the break room to catch up before assignments were handed out.
"I can imagine. It was getting a little crowded with just the three of us. Honestly I always kind of felt like the odd man out between Cath and Warrick." Nick confessed before he realized it.
"We have five minutes for office gossip, so give." Greg looked so excitedly.
"Not going there man, nope, not going at all."
"Damn tease, so how are you really doing, none of this bullshit. You look a lot better." Greg was being sincere, he didn't want the front; he wanted the truth.
"I'm doing all right," at Greg's skeptical look he tried again. "No man, I serious. Not gonna lie to you. I have my moments where I get a little shaky, but this is a big thing for me. Coming back to work on nights. Seems like a lot has changed around here since I left." Nick didn't want to admit he felt uncomfortable at the looks and obvious stares by strangers who just happened to work in the same building.
"Yeah, they hired quite a few new techs you haven't met yet, but they sure know you. You have been quite the talk around here lately." Greg wanted to let Nick know in case he saw the stares.
"I kind of got that feeling walking in. I just want to work G, not cause a fuss." Nick seemed defeated a little and Greg caught it quickly.
"I know that man, I know. It should calm down here a little after a couple of days. They have just heard about you in the news and stuff. Actually a couple of the new girls thought they would be nice and throw you a welcome back party, but I kind of put a stop to it. Hope you don't mind." Greg looked up at Nick sheepishly, hoping he didn't overstep his bounds with his friend.
"You put a stop to a party? Are you slipping, G? I can't imagine you would ever not want a party." Nick teased back, but in all honesty he was glad Greg did that for him. He didn't want to be the center of attention.
He just wanted to get back to his life, from before that night.
"I know being the life of every party and all, but I told them you weren't that kind of guy. If they knew you at all, they would know that would be the last thing you would want. I don't think I made too many friends that day."
"Well, I appreciate it man. The last thing I want is some big deal made out of me coming back to work. It's what I'm supposed to do. So thanks, I don't want any fanfare." Nick was thankful his friend had put his foot down about that.
"No problem Nick, but that doesn't mean that I couldn't get a new toy for you now that we are all back on nightshift. I figured we could break it in this week since you'll be in the Lab and have some time to kill." Greg handed a package over to Nick he had to the side of the couch.
"G, what is this? I don't want any welcome back gifts for goodness sakes." Nick couldn't believe what Greg had done.
"Well, that's too bad cause it's not just for you, since you, me, and Warrick are all back working the same shift, I though we could use a new system around here. Man, Dreamcast is so 2000."
Nick opened up the box and saw a brand new PS2 still in the box. Plus three new games, Madden 2005, NCAA College Football 05, and NASCAR 2005. He had to admit he was pretty excited about the new break room toy. Now that they were all back together again, they could goof off on their rare slow nights or just take breaks together again.
"Thanks man, this is great. Maybe you could sneak in some practice on those Patriots of yours after that ass kicking you too not too long back." Nick joked.
"Yeah yeah, you keep talking, but we all know who rules." Greg looked at his watch. "Well, I gotta get. I'm sure Gris is getting ready to handout assignments and I know you are gonna want to settle into your temporary digs for the week." Greg got up and dumped his coffee in the sink, and laughed to himself.
"What's so funny man?" Nick wondered what Greg could possibly have to laugh about.
"Nothing, just thinking about this situation. Look at us, here I am going to get my assignment for the night, and you're off to the Lab, kind of ironic isn't it?"
"Yeah, don't get too used to it. Only one week, and I'll be out in the field. Gotta get my feet wet again slowly, you know the routine."
"All to well my friend, take care, and don't take shit from Hodges, he's all talk." Greg yelled as he headed out of the break room as Warrick and Sara quickly came in for a quick cup of coffee before grabbing their assignments. They looked happy Nick thought; he hadn't realized how much of a toll the split had taken on the team.
"Hey look who's back! Good to see you man." Warrick grabbed his hand as Nick stood up.
"Great to be back man, I only wish I could be out with you guys tonight."
"It won't be too long and you'll be digging through human soup again." Sara swooped in for a quick hug.
"Listen bro, we gotta get a move on, Grissom handing out assignments and we just came in to grab some of Greg's coffee. One good thing about having Sanders around again, gotta love his coffee."
Warrick and Sara were out the door, leaving Nick alone in his thoughts. He really didn't want to go to the Lab, but anything to get back into the field, and it was only one week he thought.
He walked into the Lab. "Well, you guys are stuck with me for a week." Nick stated simply, as he grabbed his own dark blue Labcoat. "So, where do I start?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
By the third night he was getting tired of only seeing the CSI's as they brought him evidence to process. They did it with heavy hearts knowing how much Nick wanted back in the field. But they also knew this was a necessary step to get back out there. Nick was really getting tired of the Lab rats, only Jacqui made it bearable because she treated him like she always did.
He didn't understand why he couldn't get back out. He knew it had only been three days but he had been fine. He wasn't having any problems in the lab, and he was starting to get bored with it. The same thing over and over, never getting to leave.
No wonder Greg wanted out so bad. Hodges was as short and curt as Nick remembered, but at least he didn't change. Archie was still cool and laid back, even though Nick knew Archie was one of the Techs that got an up close seat to his nightmare. The Asian didn't look at him different, or pity him. They talked about cases and Star Trek and the new game system Greg had bought for everyone.
He still felt like he was being watched inside his own place of work. Some people he didn't recognize would walk by quickly and stare at him. The glass, the Plexiglas. Nick didn't notice before, there was glass everywhere. He never looked up long enough to think about it. It wasn't really that dissimilar, he could see through it, but he could also be seen. He was like the specimen again, being watched and stared at. He quickly shook himself from his thoughts; he wasn't going down that road again.
But for the rest for the rest of the week he made sure never to look up through the glass walls. Ever. He wasn't a show for anyone to see, he wasn't a freak to be put out on display as every emotion rolled through his mind. Not by his bosses, his teammates, and damn well not by a bunch of strangers that looked at him like he was untouchable, behind the glass of his new confines. Four more days, he could do four more days, just as long as he kept his head down and focused on the evidence to be processed.
**************************************
The last day in the Lab was the longest eight hours he had spent since, well since ........
He wanted out of here.... Away from the confines of this place. Both Grissom and Catherine told him they saw no reason why he couldn't be released for field duty after tonight's shift. He almost wished they would have informed him after shift because it made the last eight hours of lab work seem like eight days. He wanted back out in the field so bad, he could hardly stand still to process evidence. He was excited, anxious and happy all rolled into one hyper ball of energy. He hadn't felt this good since he learned the team was getting back together.
After shift hey all decided to go out for breakfast to celebrate Nick's return to the field. It was like old times. They headed to their favorite spot, even Doc Robbins and Brass came along. The gang was all there. They were laughing the morning away over coffee and cases Nick had missed out on while he had been gone. He didn't feel bad for once. He loved hearing about life going on, and to be caught up and be one of them again. He ate his omelet and hash browns down like he was a starved man.
"What Nicky, didn't anybody feed you while you where home?" Catherine teased at the blushing criminalist.
"Nothing this good. I missed this greasy place. And it just feels great being back here with you guys, you have no idea."
"I think we do Nicky, we all missed you these past two months, it hasn't been complete without you back on the night shift."
Grissom stated as best he could. He still wasn't as free with his emotions as the rest of the team, but he learned a lot during the rescue as well. One person couldn't do it alone. Human contact and companionship were as important as anything. He'd forgotten that for a while, but he never intended to let that happen again.
Warrick lifted his coffee cup "To Nick, CSI Level 3 back in action." Followed by several rounds of "To Nick!"
With the clinking up coffee mugs Nick felt like he was finally putting all of this behind him. It has been two months, one week, and three days. He was getting past it and moving on, letting it go, and he hadn't felt this alive since before that night. He grinned so hard to thought his face would hurt.
The waitress came back to their tables clearing their breakfast plates and refilling their coffee cups one more time. Nick noticed something was off, something in the air......... something smelled wrong, but he couldn't place it.
"Here's your check ya'll, just let me know when you're ready for me to take it." She grinned and then Nick saw it, knew what he was smelled.
She was popping bubble gum. He hadn't even thought about it since that night, that sweet sickly smell, the thickness of it in his mouth as he chewed it quickly in his rush to get that damn light off. Shoving the sticky pink stuff into his own ears to muffle the gunshots knew he was getting ready to fire.
In the background he could hear Grissom, Catherine, and Brass fighting over who was going get to pay for 'Nicky's Breakfast Celebration.' Nick could feel his stomach turn over as he saw that pink bubble gum popping between her teeth, that ghastly smell wafting towards him.
Greg saw Nick visibly pale and instantly grew worried but didn't let on to anyone else. They were too busy having fun talking about next week's work and still fighting over the check.
"If you'll excuse me I'll be right back." Nick said hurriedly and rushed off towards the men's room unnoticed by most at the table who were wrapped up in their own conversations.
Greg quickly excused himself too because from the look on Nick's face he knew something had triggered a bad memory and something was desperately wrong all of a sudden. He waved Warrick down, who noticed Nick's change in mood as well and took after his friend.
Nick had barely made it to the bathroom in time before the contents of this morning's celebration meal was emptied in the toilet. He kept retching until he was sure everything he had eaten within the last three days was out of his body. He was soaked in sweat and couldn't stop shaking. The shakes didn't help settle his stomach as another round of dry heaves ravaged his already tired body. In the background he thought he heard water running but he wasn't sure. He laid his head against the cool porcelain afraid to move, afraid that it would start another round of heaving.
He heard a soft knock on the stall door. "Nick, it's Greg, it's only me. I'm coming in."
No 'May I come in', no 'are you ok', just I'm coming in. Nick liked that idea, didn't want to have to think, just wanted not move.
He felt the air change and Greg squatted down next to him and placed a cool wet paper towel across his forehead, and another across the back of is neck. Nick gingerly moved to wipe his mouth with his shirtsleeve, he still had some dignity, or at least he liked to think so.
Greg sat up and went over and threw the towels in the toilet and flushed them and the offending contents away.
"Just stay right there, I'll be right back, Nick."
Greg placed a reassuring hand on Nick's shoulder gently and walked back out and double-checked to make sure the door was locked. He didn't want to be disturbed or add to Nick's embarrassment. He grabbed two more paper towels and wetted them down as before and retuned to Nick who was now sitting up and leaning his head against the stall.
Greg took the cool paper and wiped down his forehead again, trying to cool off his friend. He tried to bring some color back to Nick's face and calm him down. He sat next to him on the floor, didn't say anything, he figured Nick would talk when he was ready.
After about five minutes of calming down and regaining his composure, Nick looked over at Greg.
"Thanks man, I'm sorry, I uh, I don't know what happened. God I feel so humiliated." Nick hung his head between his knees and looked like a kid who had just broke his parent's window with a baseball.
Greg understand what it was like and wanted to be there. "Hey man, you have nothing, and I mean absolutely nothing to be sorry about. I know what it's like man. What was it? Something brought a vivid memory back right?"
Nick just looked at him and wondered when Greg developed the ability to read minds, but still didn't say a word.
Greg took the initiative. "For me it was something small. I thought I was over it, forgot all about the explosion, moved on, gotten past it, all of that bullshit. Then the stupidest thing set me off." Greg just looked down and laughed softly to himself at the memory.
"It was Thanksgiving that fall. I was home actually, one of the few times I got back for a holiday. Did I ever tell you my Mom is not the best cook, well she's not. She forgot how long to cook the turkey. When she took it out, it was burned to a crisp and everything."
Greg paused as he gathered his thoughts. "The smell. All I could smell was charred, burned, turkey skin. I was completely lost in the memory, the smell, the flash, the feel of glass surrounding me, my skin smelling like that. I was right back there, because of a damned burned turkey. I made it to the bathroom just in time and threw up everything I had eaten in the past week I think. I was so embarrassed. I was supposed to be over it, it had been six months."
Greg sighed. "Its always the little things."
Nick just looked over at Greg, realizing how little he knew the explosion had affected his friend.
"Bubble gum, the waitress was chewing bubble gum. I uh, I had my gum in my pocket with me down there. I didn't even think about it until I was going to shoot out that light. I didn't want to hurt my eardrums in case I actually got out. I stuffed it in my ears." Nick almost chuckled. "Pretty stupid, huh?"
"No man, not stupid at all. Hell, I wouldn't have even thought of something like that. You used your head, and saved your hearing. I can't promise you that there won't be little things like this that catch you off guard and can send you right back to that place, but I can tell you that they will start happening less and less often. That one day, you'll get a craving for bubble gum and it won't make your stomach turn, and it will taste good again. It took me another year before I could eat turkey."
They both laughed at that, because Nick realized that Greg was right, and maybe one day he would like bubble gum again, cause if Greg could eat turkey, he could chew gum.
"Hey Greg, would you mind if, uh if, we..." He couldn't quite get the words out. He didn't need to.
"No problem man, I'll keep it between us. That's what friends are for, right?" Greg looked over at Nick who just nodded
"Thanks man, I don't want them worrying, thinking I'm not ready to be back out there yet."
"Hey, one has nothing to do with the other. It just takes some time, now you ready to return to your party." Greg stood up and offered his friend a hand up.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
When they got back to the table, Greg was afraid that Nick's panic attack would be hard to keep quiet. His face still had a grayish pallor to it, plus he was slightly shaking, which was hard to hide. But he promised his friend and he would be his best to keep in between the two of them.
"So, when did guys start going to the bathrooms in groups?" Sara piped in keeping with the light mood.
Greg chimed in quickly so Nick wouldn't have to think to fast on his feet. "Well, when you gotta go you gotta go. Plus I needed Nick's opinion on the new hairstyle, and that's something guys just don't do in public." He hoped the light tone he was keeping was being sold to the group and Nick slight smile gave them no reason to doubt him.
"Yeah, the many styles of Greggo, I told him he just needed to go short like me, wouldn't have to worry about it then." Nick decided to help his friend out as since it was Greg's covering for him.
"Are you OK Nick, you don't look so good?" Catherine couldn't help but notice the color of Nick's skin and the sweat on his brow.
"Yeah, I'm uh, I'm fine, just a little tired, long shift, and my celebration, just a little worn out I think."
Nick fidgeted in his seat a little and stole a quick glance at his friends and plastered a smile on his face.
"Nick man, are you sure, you don't look so good, maybe you should have someone drive you home." Warrick couldn't keep the worried tone out of his voice.
"I said I'm fine Rick, do you all you need my therapist's note for that also? I'm just tired, thanks for the get together guys, but I'm beat and ready to go home."
"Oaky Nick, if you need anything . . . ." Warrick tried to say quickly before Nick was gone.
He just looked back at his friends and said "I won't," and continued to walk out the door, leaving several of his friend a little stunned, except for Greg, who understood and knew he just needed to be alone.
************************************
Nick made it home by himself just fine like he knew he would. He just wanted to shower and sleep. He went into the bathroom, and took off his clothes. He opened his shower curtain, and thought back to that night with Warrick. He felt so humiliated and ashamed having his friend witness him like that. It wasn't bad enough he saw every moment of suffering in the ground, he had to put on another freak show for Warrick. He thought about that night and stared at the bathtub, the shower could wait until later he decided.
He just wanted sleep now, so he gave in to his weakness, and grabbed his prescription bottle, which he rarely touched. He opened it and let a sleeping pill fall into his hand.
"What the Hell." He said to himself in the mirror. He tossed it into his mouth and took a quick swig of water and swallowed them down. That should help he decided, he earned a peaceful sleep after this week.
Nick walked into the bedroom, pulled down his blackout curtains, and then turned his cell phone off. He didn't want anybody checking up on him. He turned off his light and crawled into bed and slept.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
tbc...
Authors: Kristen999 and Shacky20
Category: Drama/Angst
Spoilers: Grave Danger
Disclaimer: All rights belong to CBS and all their fine writers. Please don't sue. This is just for fun.
Summary: The Team try to help Nick recover after his abduction and move on. Little does anyone know the true ramifications of this traumatic experience has had on everyone. Goes from the events in the episode to the days and weeks afterwards. This is a Nick-Greg-Warrick Friendship. There is drama, angst and even humor.
Eariler chapters can be found here:
http://www.fanfiction.net/secure/live_preview.php?storyid=2470159&chapter=1
Chapter 8 By Shacky
****************
Chapter 8 by Shacky
******************
Nick had never been so happy to see the lab.
After two months and three days sitting at home, he couldn't wait for his first night of work. He never liked the swing shift. He'd worked nights for almost seven years, he liked it. It felt as if he really was returning to his old job by coming back to graveyard. There was a bounce in his step that hadn't been there since last November when Ecklie broke them up.
He walked through the doors back as Stokes, CSI Level 3. Capable, confidant, and most importantly, cleared for duty.
Sure he fudged a little on a couple of his "tests" but that was between him and his closet. He wasn't going to share that information with anyone. He just wanted back into the real world so badly, get back to his "before" life as he had termed it. Before that dreaded night. Nick didn't like to use the word kidnapping because that made him feel more like a victim, and he was tired of being a victim.
Nick had a grin on his face as he walked up the steps towards the Lab. He walked down the halls and saw faces he didn't remember seeing before his "leave," but they seemed to know him. It seemed like everywhere he looked someone stole a glance at him. He even caught two women pointing his direction as he walked by. He gave them a quick nod and fake grin, and started walking faster toward Grissom and Catherine's offices. That is where he was first to report. Both Greg and Warrick had warned him about this, he was the talk of the Lab still, their own local celebrity. Great, just want he didn't want.
The unfamiliar eyes were making him nervous, Nick felt his heart start beating fast at the unexpected scrutiny from the one place that felt more like home than his own house did most of the time. He needed to find his team. They would all be here and they were a unit again. That thought put a smile back on his face as he walked into Grissom's office.
Both Grissom and Catherine were there waiting for him. Grissom held out his hand, which Nick took in a firm handshake. "Can't tell you how good it is to have you back on nights, Nicky. We've all certainly missed having you around." Grissom couldn't hide the grin that broke out on his face at having his whole team back together for the first time in months.
"You don't know how good it is to be back, Gris. I don't think I've ever been so happy to see this place." Now that Nick was in familiar surroundings and people, he was beaming.
"Glad to have you back at work Nicky, it hasn't been the same these past couple of months." Catherine said as she gave him a quick hug. "You are looking well and rested."
Which was true, he had finally healed from the bites that marred and burned his flesh for weeks. All the wounds were on the inside now, and no one was going to know they were there unless he wanted them to know.
"Well, you get two months paid leave and you'll find there isn't much to do but rest most of the time."
"Then down to business. We do have a little of that to take care of." Grissom stated matter of factly. "We need to go over the conditions of your return back to work."
"Yes, Sir, I know." Nick had been told the regulations before, but he knew they had to go over them verbally before start of shift.
"Okay, for starters Nicky," Catherine started "Absolutely no overtime for first week, eight hour shifts only."
Nick shifted his eyes at her. "No back talk Nick, this is how it has to be." Catherine instructed.
"I know, I'm just ready to get back. All right, what else?" Nick said, clapping his hands and rubbing them together.
"First week as you know you will be staying in the Lab, doing only lab work. After the first week, the three of us will meet again and talk about you getting back into the field." Grissom could see Nick's jaw tighten, but cut him off before he could start in. "I know you're not happy about that, but it has to be this way. We see no reason you cannot go back out into the field after your first week."
"You mean unless I freak out on everyone and start screaming or something." Nick couldn't help but feel a little bitter about that, and he couldn't keep it out of his voice. He was never good at hiding his emotions.
"No, that isn't what it means, Nick." Catherine interjected. "This is just protocol and you know it. I know you're eager to get back to your job, we all want you back, but we just don't want to push too hard all at once. " She tried to explain as calmly and by the book as possible.
"I know Cath, I'm sorry. Didn't mean to snap at you." He hadn't been relegated to lab duty since he didn't pass his weapon's proficiency test last fall, and that was only for one case.
She understood, but they had to do this right, both supervisors wanted to make sure their Nick was really okay for themselves if they were truly honest. The therapist's recommendations just gave them an easy out.
"And then you will also need to see your therapist at least once a week during the first month and she will keep us updated on your progress. If she sees no complications or setbacks with your return to work and the field, then after the appropriate time, you will be able to return to a schedule with the rest of the team. But only at her approval, Nick. Is that understood?" Catherine tried to keep it cool as possible.
Nick didn't speak but nodded his head because he had been informed that his bosses would be kept informed of his progress so they could up his workload, which is exactly what he wanted.
"Just sign this so it proves we had this talk and get down to the break room. Greg's making some fresh coffee just for you, he's glad your back on night's I think." Gil instructed.
Nick reached for his pen and scribbled his name across the line confirming they had the discussion of the "Resuming of Duties of CSI Level Three Nicholas Stokes". He looked at the top again, and grinned, he was back, and handed the copy back to Grissom.
"Go get your coffee Nick. There's no hurry getting to the Lab, nothing will be in yet for a while. We haven't had assignments handed out yet."
"Thanks guys," Nick said, as he stood up and started towards the door. "Thanks for everything. I wouldn't be back here it wasn't for you two, and I know thank you isn't enough." Nick was not going to emotional on his first night back.
"Nick, it was a team effort, and you are one of us. It wasn't the same here without you, and now that we are all back, we all couldn't be happier to have you back safe and healthy. Just take care of yourself and let us worry about the rest. Now go get your coffee." Catherine explained in a soft tone.
"Yes, Sir. Ma'am." With that, he walked out his superior's door and towards the break room. He could already smell the coffee down the hallway.
He poked his head in kind of quietly just watching Greg stand there, bouncing his head to some music that was only playing in his head as he retrieved two cups for coffee. Nick knew one of those was meant for him and couldn't help but smile.
"Is that the famous Sanders' coffee I smell or are my senses deceiving me?" He joked, as Greg whipped his head around, his face breaking out in a grin from ear to ear.
"Nothing but the best for you, dude." He said as he walked over to give Nick a quick guy hug, and the obligatory pat on the back. "Damn it's good to see you back here. God it's been so boring and quiet, and it's great to have you back on nights. All of this estrogen was starting to wear on me."
They grabbed their coffees and sat on the couch in the break room to catch up before assignments were handed out.
"I can imagine. It was getting a little crowded with just the three of us. Honestly I always kind of felt like the odd man out between Cath and Warrick." Nick confessed before he realized it.
"We have five minutes for office gossip, so give." Greg looked so excitedly.
"Not going there man, nope, not going at all."
"Damn tease, so how are you really doing, none of this bullshit. You look a lot better." Greg was being sincere, he didn't want the front; he wanted the truth.
"I'm doing all right," at Greg's skeptical look he tried again. "No man, I serious. Not gonna lie to you. I have my moments where I get a little shaky, but this is a big thing for me. Coming back to work on nights. Seems like a lot has changed around here since I left." Nick didn't want to admit he felt uncomfortable at the looks and obvious stares by strangers who just happened to work in the same building.
"Yeah, they hired quite a few new techs you haven't met yet, but they sure know you. You have been quite the talk around here lately." Greg wanted to let Nick know in case he saw the stares.
"I kind of got that feeling walking in. I just want to work G, not cause a fuss." Nick seemed defeated a little and Greg caught it quickly.
"I know that man, I know. It should calm down here a little after a couple of days. They have just heard about you in the news and stuff. Actually a couple of the new girls thought they would be nice and throw you a welcome back party, but I kind of put a stop to it. Hope you don't mind." Greg looked up at Nick sheepishly, hoping he didn't overstep his bounds with his friend.
"You put a stop to a party? Are you slipping, G? I can't imagine you would ever not want a party." Nick teased back, but in all honesty he was glad Greg did that for him. He didn't want to be the center of attention.
He just wanted to get back to his life, from before that night.
"I know being the life of every party and all, but I told them you weren't that kind of guy. If they knew you at all, they would know that would be the last thing you would want. I don't think I made too many friends that day."
"Well, I appreciate it man. The last thing I want is some big deal made out of me coming back to work. It's what I'm supposed to do. So thanks, I don't want any fanfare." Nick was thankful his friend had put his foot down about that.
"No problem Nick, but that doesn't mean that I couldn't get a new toy for you now that we are all back on nightshift. I figured we could break it in this week since you'll be in the Lab and have some time to kill." Greg handed a package over to Nick he had to the side of the couch.
"G, what is this? I don't want any welcome back gifts for goodness sakes." Nick couldn't believe what Greg had done.
"Well, that's too bad cause it's not just for you, since you, me, and Warrick are all back working the same shift, I though we could use a new system around here. Man, Dreamcast is so 2000."
Nick opened up the box and saw a brand new PS2 still in the box. Plus three new games, Madden 2005, NCAA College Football 05, and NASCAR 2005. He had to admit he was pretty excited about the new break room toy. Now that they were all back together again, they could goof off on their rare slow nights or just take breaks together again.
"Thanks man, this is great. Maybe you could sneak in some practice on those Patriots of yours after that ass kicking you too not too long back." Nick joked.
"Yeah yeah, you keep talking, but we all know who rules." Greg looked at his watch. "Well, I gotta get. I'm sure Gris is getting ready to handout assignments and I know you are gonna want to settle into your temporary digs for the week." Greg got up and dumped his coffee in the sink, and laughed to himself.
"What's so funny man?" Nick wondered what Greg could possibly have to laugh about.
"Nothing, just thinking about this situation. Look at us, here I am going to get my assignment for the night, and you're off to the Lab, kind of ironic isn't it?"
"Yeah, don't get too used to it. Only one week, and I'll be out in the field. Gotta get my feet wet again slowly, you know the routine."
"All to well my friend, take care, and don't take shit from Hodges, he's all talk." Greg yelled as he headed out of the break room as Warrick and Sara quickly came in for a quick cup of coffee before grabbing their assignments. They looked happy Nick thought; he hadn't realized how much of a toll the split had taken on the team.
"Hey look who's back! Good to see you man." Warrick grabbed his hand as Nick stood up.
"Great to be back man, I only wish I could be out with you guys tonight."
"It won't be too long and you'll be digging through human soup again." Sara swooped in for a quick hug.
"Listen bro, we gotta get a move on, Grissom handing out assignments and we just came in to grab some of Greg's coffee. One good thing about having Sanders around again, gotta love his coffee."
Warrick and Sara were out the door, leaving Nick alone in his thoughts. He really didn't want to go to the Lab, but anything to get back into the field, and it was only one week he thought.
He walked into the Lab. "Well, you guys are stuck with me for a week." Nick stated simply, as he grabbed his own dark blue Labcoat. "So, where do I start?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
By the third night he was getting tired of only seeing the CSI's as they brought him evidence to process. They did it with heavy hearts knowing how much Nick wanted back in the field. But they also knew this was a necessary step to get back out there. Nick was really getting tired of the Lab rats, only Jacqui made it bearable because she treated him like she always did.
He didn't understand why he couldn't get back out. He knew it had only been three days but he had been fine. He wasn't having any problems in the lab, and he was starting to get bored with it. The same thing over and over, never getting to leave.
No wonder Greg wanted out so bad. Hodges was as short and curt as Nick remembered, but at least he didn't change. Archie was still cool and laid back, even though Nick knew Archie was one of the Techs that got an up close seat to his nightmare. The Asian didn't look at him different, or pity him. They talked about cases and Star Trek and the new game system Greg had bought for everyone.
He still felt like he was being watched inside his own place of work. Some people he didn't recognize would walk by quickly and stare at him. The glass, the Plexiglas. Nick didn't notice before, there was glass everywhere. He never looked up long enough to think about it. It wasn't really that dissimilar, he could see through it, but he could also be seen. He was like the specimen again, being watched and stared at. He quickly shook himself from his thoughts; he wasn't going down that road again.
But for the rest for the rest of the week he made sure never to look up through the glass walls. Ever. He wasn't a show for anyone to see, he wasn't a freak to be put out on display as every emotion rolled through his mind. Not by his bosses, his teammates, and damn well not by a bunch of strangers that looked at him like he was untouchable, behind the glass of his new confines. Four more days, he could do four more days, just as long as he kept his head down and focused on the evidence to be processed.
**************************************
The last day in the Lab was the longest eight hours he had spent since, well since ........
He wanted out of here.... Away from the confines of this place. Both Grissom and Catherine told him they saw no reason why he couldn't be released for field duty after tonight's shift. He almost wished they would have informed him after shift because it made the last eight hours of lab work seem like eight days. He wanted back out in the field so bad, he could hardly stand still to process evidence. He was excited, anxious and happy all rolled into one hyper ball of energy. He hadn't felt this good since he learned the team was getting back together.
After shift hey all decided to go out for breakfast to celebrate Nick's return to the field. It was like old times. They headed to their favorite spot, even Doc Robbins and Brass came along. The gang was all there. They were laughing the morning away over coffee and cases Nick had missed out on while he had been gone. He didn't feel bad for once. He loved hearing about life going on, and to be caught up and be one of them again. He ate his omelet and hash browns down like he was a starved man.
"What Nicky, didn't anybody feed you while you where home?" Catherine teased at the blushing criminalist.
"Nothing this good. I missed this greasy place. And it just feels great being back here with you guys, you have no idea."
"I think we do Nicky, we all missed you these past two months, it hasn't been complete without you back on the night shift."
Grissom stated as best he could. He still wasn't as free with his emotions as the rest of the team, but he learned a lot during the rescue as well. One person couldn't do it alone. Human contact and companionship were as important as anything. He'd forgotten that for a while, but he never intended to let that happen again.
Warrick lifted his coffee cup "To Nick, CSI Level 3 back in action." Followed by several rounds of "To Nick!"
With the clinking up coffee mugs Nick felt like he was finally putting all of this behind him. It has been two months, one week, and three days. He was getting past it and moving on, letting it go, and he hadn't felt this alive since before that night. He grinned so hard to thought his face would hurt.
The waitress came back to their tables clearing their breakfast plates and refilling their coffee cups one more time. Nick noticed something was off, something in the air......... something smelled wrong, but he couldn't place it.
"Here's your check ya'll, just let me know when you're ready for me to take it." She grinned and then Nick saw it, knew what he was smelled.
She was popping bubble gum. He hadn't even thought about it since that night, that sweet sickly smell, the thickness of it in his mouth as he chewed it quickly in his rush to get that damn light off. Shoving the sticky pink stuff into his own ears to muffle the gunshots knew he was getting ready to fire.
In the background he could hear Grissom, Catherine, and Brass fighting over who was going get to pay for 'Nicky's Breakfast Celebration.' Nick could feel his stomach turn over as he saw that pink bubble gum popping between her teeth, that ghastly smell wafting towards him.
Greg saw Nick visibly pale and instantly grew worried but didn't let on to anyone else. They were too busy having fun talking about next week's work and still fighting over the check.
"If you'll excuse me I'll be right back." Nick said hurriedly and rushed off towards the men's room unnoticed by most at the table who were wrapped up in their own conversations.
Greg quickly excused himself too because from the look on Nick's face he knew something had triggered a bad memory and something was desperately wrong all of a sudden. He waved Warrick down, who noticed Nick's change in mood as well and took after his friend.
Nick had barely made it to the bathroom in time before the contents of this morning's celebration meal was emptied in the toilet. He kept retching until he was sure everything he had eaten within the last three days was out of his body. He was soaked in sweat and couldn't stop shaking. The shakes didn't help settle his stomach as another round of dry heaves ravaged his already tired body. In the background he thought he heard water running but he wasn't sure. He laid his head against the cool porcelain afraid to move, afraid that it would start another round of heaving.
He heard a soft knock on the stall door. "Nick, it's Greg, it's only me. I'm coming in."
No 'May I come in', no 'are you ok', just I'm coming in. Nick liked that idea, didn't want to have to think, just wanted not move.
He felt the air change and Greg squatted down next to him and placed a cool wet paper towel across his forehead, and another across the back of is neck. Nick gingerly moved to wipe his mouth with his shirtsleeve, he still had some dignity, or at least he liked to think so.
Greg sat up and went over and threw the towels in the toilet and flushed them and the offending contents away.
"Just stay right there, I'll be right back, Nick."
Greg placed a reassuring hand on Nick's shoulder gently and walked back out and double-checked to make sure the door was locked. He didn't want to be disturbed or add to Nick's embarrassment. He grabbed two more paper towels and wetted them down as before and retuned to Nick who was now sitting up and leaning his head against the stall.
Greg took the cool paper and wiped down his forehead again, trying to cool off his friend. He tried to bring some color back to Nick's face and calm him down. He sat next to him on the floor, didn't say anything, he figured Nick would talk when he was ready.
After about five minutes of calming down and regaining his composure, Nick looked over at Greg.
"Thanks man, I'm sorry, I uh, I don't know what happened. God I feel so humiliated." Nick hung his head between his knees and looked like a kid who had just broke his parent's window with a baseball.
Greg understand what it was like and wanted to be there. "Hey man, you have nothing, and I mean absolutely nothing to be sorry about. I know what it's like man. What was it? Something brought a vivid memory back right?"
Nick just looked at him and wondered when Greg developed the ability to read minds, but still didn't say a word.
Greg took the initiative. "For me it was something small. I thought I was over it, forgot all about the explosion, moved on, gotten past it, all of that bullshit. Then the stupidest thing set me off." Greg just looked down and laughed softly to himself at the memory.
"It was Thanksgiving that fall. I was home actually, one of the few times I got back for a holiday. Did I ever tell you my Mom is not the best cook, well she's not. She forgot how long to cook the turkey. When she took it out, it was burned to a crisp and everything."
Greg paused as he gathered his thoughts. "The smell. All I could smell was charred, burned, turkey skin. I was completely lost in the memory, the smell, the flash, the feel of glass surrounding me, my skin smelling like that. I was right back there, because of a damned burned turkey. I made it to the bathroom just in time and threw up everything I had eaten in the past week I think. I was so embarrassed. I was supposed to be over it, it had been six months."
Greg sighed. "Its always the little things."
Nick just looked over at Greg, realizing how little he knew the explosion had affected his friend.
"Bubble gum, the waitress was chewing bubble gum. I uh, I had my gum in my pocket with me down there. I didn't even think about it until I was going to shoot out that light. I didn't want to hurt my eardrums in case I actually got out. I stuffed it in my ears." Nick almost chuckled. "Pretty stupid, huh?"
"No man, not stupid at all. Hell, I wouldn't have even thought of something like that. You used your head, and saved your hearing. I can't promise you that there won't be little things like this that catch you off guard and can send you right back to that place, but I can tell you that they will start happening less and less often. That one day, you'll get a craving for bubble gum and it won't make your stomach turn, and it will taste good again. It took me another year before I could eat turkey."
They both laughed at that, because Nick realized that Greg was right, and maybe one day he would like bubble gum again, cause if Greg could eat turkey, he could chew gum.
"Hey Greg, would you mind if, uh if, we..." He couldn't quite get the words out. He didn't need to.
"No problem man, I'll keep it between us. That's what friends are for, right?" Greg looked over at Nick who just nodded
"Thanks man, I don't want them worrying, thinking I'm not ready to be back out there yet."
"Hey, one has nothing to do with the other. It just takes some time, now you ready to return to your party." Greg stood up and offered his friend a hand up.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
When they got back to the table, Greg was afraid that Nick's panic attack would be hard to keep quiet. His face still had a grayish pallor to it, plus he was slightly shaking, which was hard to hide. But he promised his friend and he would be his best to keep in between the two of them.
"So, when did guys start going to the bathrooms in groups?" Sara piped in keeping with the light mood.
Greg chimed in quickly so Nick wouldn't have to think to fast on his feet. "Well, when you gotta go you gotta go. Plus I needed Nick's opinion on the new hairstyle, and that's something guys just don't do in public." He hoped the light tone he was keeping was being sold to the group and Nick slight smile gave them no reason to doubt him.
"Yeah, the many styles of Greggo, I told him he just needed to go short like me, wouldn't have to worry about it then." Nick decided to help his friend out as since it was Greg's covering for him.
"Are you OK Nick, you don't look so good?" Catherine couldn't help but notice the color of Nick's skin and the sweat on his brow.
"Yeah, I'm uh, I'm fine, just a little tired, long shift, and my celebration, just a little worn out I think."
Nick fidgeted in his seat a little and stole a quick glance at his friends and plastered a smile on his face.
"Nick man, are you sure, you don't look so good, maybe you should have someone drive you home." Warrick couldn't keep the worried tone out of his voice.
"I said I'm fine Rick, do you all you need my therapist's note for that also? I'm just tired, thanks for the get together guys, but I'm beat and ready to go home."
"Oaky Nick, if you need anything . . . ." Warrick tried to say quickly before Nick was gone.
He just looked back at his friends and said "I won't," and continued to walk out the door, leaving several of his friend a little stunned, except for Greg, who understood and knew he just needed to be alone.
************************************
Nick made it home by himself just fine like he knew he would. He just wanted to shower and sleep. He went into the bathroom, and took off his clothes. He opened his shower curtain, and thought back to that night with Warrick. He felt so humiliated and ashamed having his friend witness him like that. It wasn't bad enough he saw every moment of suffering in the ground, he had to put on another freak show for Warrick. He thought about that night and stared at the bathtub, the shower could wait until later he decided.
He just wanted sleep now, so he gave in to his weakness, and grabbed his prescription bottle, which he rarely touched. He opened it and let a sleeping pill fall into his hand.
"What the Hell." He said to himself in the mirror. He tossed it into his mouth and took a quick swig of water and swallowed them down. That should help he decided, he earned a peaceful sleep after this week.
Nick walked into the bedroom, pulled down his blackout curtains, and then turned his cell phone off. He didn't want anybody checking up on him. He turned off his light and crawled into bed and slept.
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tbc...